But there comes a moment—especially for women in midlife—when the question surfaces quietly:
“If I’m not my job… who am I?”
This isn’t a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.
It’s the beginning of remembering yourself.
When your identity wraps too tightly around what you do, specific patterns begin to emerge.
The Hidden Cost of a Narrow Identity
1. Your worth starts riding the waves of your work.
A good week feels like proof.
A tough week feels like failure.
It’s exhausting.
And it’s not just anecdotal.
The 2024 Women in the Workplace report by McKinsey & Company shows that many mid-career women are navigating rising levels of burnout, blurred boundaries, and a sense that their professional identity has overtaken everything else. And importantly, this pressure doesn’t diminish as women continue to climb. Senior-level women also report high levels of emotional strain, isolation, and identity pressure as expectations grow with each step upward.
2. Change feels personal, not professional.
A reorg, a new leader, a shift in strategy, suddenly it’s not only your role that feels uncertain, but your sense of self. When identity is narrow, any change in the external world can feel destabilizing internally.
3. Pieces of you start to go quiet.
The creative part.
The spiritual part.
The curious part.
The playful part.
The version of you that used to dream freely.
These parts don’t disappear, they just get buried under responsibilities, expectations, and the roles you’ve mastered.
4. Life starts to feel smaller than your potential.
You’re successful… but something feels tight. Narrow. Like you’ve outgrown the identity that once fit you perfectly.
And you’re not imagining it. I have found that people who build their identity on multiple aspects of life — not just work — experience greater resilience, emotional stability, and overall well-being. A fuller identity creates a fuller life.
But there’s a deeper layer to this experience — one that leadership scholar Herminia Ibarra describes clearly in her research on identity. She writes, “Relying on one narrow role or identity creates fragility; change becomes threatening because we have nowhere else to stand.”
This is why so many accomplished women feel an internal tremor during career transitions, reorganizations, or even moments of success. When your identity is built on a single source, your role, your title, your performance, everything feels personal. Any shift in the external world feels like a shift inside of you.
A multi-dimensional identity changes that.
It gives you more places to stand.
More ways to breathe.
More reminders of who you are beyond what you produce.
When your sense of self is shaped by a rich tapestry of roles, relationships, passions, and inner sources of meaning, you carry a steadiness that work alone can’t offer. You meet uncertainty with resilience. You lead with greater authenticity. You return to yourself more easily and fully.
This is the deeper invitation of midlife: to widen, not tighten. To reclaim the parts of yourself that went quiet while you were busy succeeding. To build an identity that feels strong, grounded, and whole — not just productive.
Reflection: Reclaiming the Rest of You
- Where have I allowed my work identity to overshadow the fullness of who I am — and what parts of myself am I ready to reclaim?
- What brings me alive that has nothing to do with my job?
- What identities have I held in the past that I miss?
- What roles, relationships, or passions nourish me — and need more room in my life?
- What part of me is asking for attention, expression, or reawakening?
The Freedom of Expanding Who You Are
Here’s the good news: expanding your identity doesn’t mean losing the ambitious, powerful parts of you. It means making space for the parts that make you feel alive.
You become steadier.
Your confidence stops depending on productivity. You can hold both success and uncertainty without losing yourself.
You begin imagining stronger possibilities.
Not just in your career —
in your life.
You lead with more presence.
People can feel when you’re showing up as your whole self.
It deepens your leadership, your relationships, and your impact.
You reconnect with meaning.
Your goals start aligning with what your soul actually wants — not what your résumé requires.
Identity expansion isn’t about walking away from who you’ve been.
It’s about reclaiming who you’ve always been beneath the roles, responsibilities, and expectations.
A Gentle Invitation to Broaden Your Story
You are allowed to evolve.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to want more, less, or something entirely different.
You are allowed to build a life that feels whole — not just productive.
Your career is one expression of your brilliance.
But it isn’t the only one.
And it certainly isn’t the most important one.
There is more to you —
even if you haven’t met all those parts yet.
If this message speaks to you — if you’re in a season of asking deeper questions about who you are becoming — I invite you to learn more about Reclamation, my broader body of work designed to help women at midlife reconnect with themselves and shape a next chapter that feels true, aligned, and deeply their own.
