Keep Kind and Carry On
Time moves quickly around the holidays. Daylight savings ends, the days get shorter and shorter and before you know it it’s here: Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is a complicated holiday for me, as I’m sure it is for a lot of you. On one hand it’s a beautiful and meaningful tradition, one that often succeeds in bringing family and friends together for a moment to share quality time and a meal. On the other, well, it’s not always that simple.
Let me be clear: I’m a big fan of gratitude. It’s been scientifically proven that counting your blessings, as a practice and mindset, can increase your quality of life (if you don’t believe me, take it from the folks at Harvard). But if you feel like you’re going through the motions, don’t relish the idea of basting a turkey every half hour, have an empty seat at the table, or are preparing for some potentially awkward--to put it nicely--dinnertime conversation...this one’s for you.
If gratitude feels hard this year, invite kindness to the table.
Kindness is a vital ingredient in our lives, especially when we are called to be supportive of and compassionate towards others. I am a firm believer in the mask metaphor. If you’ve ever taken a plane before, you’ve heard the requisite pre-flight announcement: in the event of low cabin pressure, please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.
Same rule applies to all of life. You have to be kind to yourself to be happy enough to show true kindness to those around you.
Much like gratitude, self-kindness is a practice. It can be counterintuitive, especially for those of you who are constantly focused on providing for those around you or are navigating difficult situations that crop up around this time of year. But every day, I urge you to take at least half an hour to show yourself the love and empathy you would to a friend.
Here are five ways to show yourself kindness in the next coming weeks:
1. Gift yourself good moments.
No shade to material gifts, but oftentimes the best presents we give ourselves are calming, meaningful experiences. This may mean taking 15 minutes for a phone call rather than texting with an old friend, reading a book, or perhaps spending time in nature. Here’s a big one: simply saying "yes" if someone offers help.
2. Get moving.
You don't need to start a rigorous exercise program. You can start by walking or trying a yoga class for beginners on YouTube. When they say “this move is optional” or “you can always go back to child’s pose,” take that as an opportunity to be kind to your body!
3. Drink more water.
Hydration couldn’t be more integral for kindness. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you’ve got a headache or your throat is dry. So how much fluid does the average, healthy adult living in a temperate climate need? The U.S. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine determined that an adequate daily fluid intake is 15.5 cups (3.7 liters) a day for men and 11.5 cups for women. Try boosting your water intake and see how it affects your mood and ability to show compassion for yourself and others.
4. Moderate your alcohol consumption.
Whether you’re indulging because you’re excited to be around people or because you’re trying to make it through dinner, passing on another glass or two or three can be hard to do. But alcohol is a depressant and can ultimately make you feel not so good about yourself. How about making a commitment today to become more mindful of your drinking patterns and commit to drinking less before the New Year rolls around? Here are some apps you can check out to help you track and cut back your intake.
5. Prioritize rest.
Lack of sleep or time to decompress makes us more vulnerable to illness and can impact our mood considerably. I’ll admit I’m less apt to be kind when I‘m sleep deprived. My friends used to call me “Chucky” when I was sleep deprived or hungry. Check out my recent article, Creating Room for Rest, or check out this Mayo Clinic article that sums up a lot of my best tips for good sleep hygiene.
Most importantly of all, remember that you do not need to perfect self-kindness. Ultimately, self-kindness is an attitude, a sweetness you have with yourself that honors your worth and allows you to accept yourself as the wonderful, flawed, complicated, magical human you are.
Kindness is a practice to be grateful for.